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Hawkeye: In the Suburbs of Utopia

“Those who let things happen usually lose to those who make things happen.”


Good day to friends, loyal readers and full blown fans of Hawkeye.


Let us assume being that we have made our way through life to this point, we are mostly success stories. This is a grand assumption that most of us have a tendency to take for granite. Nothing is cast in stone, unless it is one's epitaph carved on his or her Head-stone. Speaking of head-stones, Hawkeye subscribes to his Hometown Newspaper from the great little Borough of Delta Pennsylvania. He does so if for no other reason but to review the Obituary Column and all the while hoping he doesn’t find his name appearing on the page. This is a sure sign of success if you are able to read your own obituary in your home town news paper. Humm.


Many strange things have been taking place of late, and one that comes foremost to the feeble mind of the Hawk is the baby that was born with four legs.


It is said that the baby will undergo surgery in Brazil to make the correction. The surgeon has stated that while he believes the operation will be successful, there are other options: the kid will make a hell of a track star in the event of failure of the medical procedure. Over.


It is said that Michael Hastings has passed on at the tender age of 33. When Tony Soprano heard of Michael's passing, he suffered a fatal Heart Attack! So sad.


And Edward Snowden is still looking for a place to hang his dirty underwear. The good friend of the Middle East Valatimere of Russia has offered to assist Snowden in succeeding in locating a place of exile.


While most Homos find themselves rooting for Snowden, they do not believe he has wronged the Community at large by blowing the whistle on the administration for their individual spy tactics! What happened to that section of the good ole Constitution? Have we all forgotten what our civil liberties are made up of? This guy appears as a genuine slime ball, and has an education equal to that of Hawkeye, but he seems to have prevailed in the electronics area of his short career.


Getting back to Wonderland, things seem to be clicking right along. It appears that the airport road project is humming right along, and most of the Temporary road Resurfacing has been completed. This has all happened in such a short time that is seems fair to wonder if the last Administration was asleep at the wheel!


Without pointing fingers, we shall Endeavour to press on to bigger and better things such as Hawkeyes Statue in the Traffic Circle of the People’s Choice. Hawkeye is really holding his breath on this potential accomplishment, and cannot wait to have a photo taken with himself!


It is too bad that Hawkeyes old Dead Redneck Daddy will not be around when the Hawkeye Bronzed Statue is dedicated there on the New Airport Road! This would have caused Hawkeyes Daddy to “Pick His Nose” and scream foul play as he witnessed the dedication. This will go down in history as being one of the un-natural wonders of Hooterville!


Let’s all assist our Honorable Kovana in keeping the ship of state headed in the right direction and away from the rocks at breakers point! Keep her anchor forever at the ready, {Weighed} in the event of an all out assault from alien invaders. When they come, they will come from an easterly direction in funny looking little spaceships that look like Martian Flying Saucers! We will know for sure when all the little Green Homos appear at our doorstep! Should they happen to not be Green in color, we can all sing in unison: “Houston, we have a problem!”


Hawkeye will once again remind all folks that the fourth quarter of the full moon is fast approaching. This is when the Lunatics visit our neighborhoods in numbers, with their noses running, and their little horns pointing to the basements of our lives.


This is as low as it gets fans, and this is the time that Aliens and butterflies can all ride in the same Chariots! The main thing is to ensure that they are all wearing parachutes before they are allowed entry by Immigration. It has been mentioned in ancient aeronautical dairies that when they come, they will stampede our women and attempt to rape our cattle. Should this occur, we can rest assured that these are repeat invaders!  We should therefore all be knowledgeable in the preparation of their second coming.. This is nothing to panic over as we have millions of years to prepare for this invasion. We will therefore be better able to stave off an attack as we have been there and done that!


Folks, when the Vet arrives, do not forget to have your pets spayed and or neutered. Call and get your name on the list. Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor will have to float a loan to pay for all the spaying and neutering of the neighborhood Cat Population. It is the right thing to do.


Love, from Hawkeye & Sweet Leanor.