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Hawkeye: How Sweet it IS!

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”

Here we go again with another blood chilling episode of yours truly: The Hawk..

Hawkeye was surfing Facebook one afternoon when he had nothing better to do than to surf face book. He definitely learned that there are other homos out there who are just as bored, if not more so than Hawkeye. So & So is making a cup of tea. So & so just cleaned the puke from the bathroom. Someone else came along and offered to pick it up! If this isn’t rampant boredom, Hawkeye will ask what is?  Certainly, if you have never made a cup of tea in the afternoon, or never had the pleasure of cleaning up the bathroom after one of the Chillren regurgitated, then this could in fact be a couple highlights of your day! Facebook is a fine tool for looking up old friends who after all, do not wish to be found.. It is a fine place to learn all about Jesus if you happen to be looking to learn all about Jesus. There are more “Out-House Philosophers” on face book than anywhere else in a media faction. Mark Zoogleburg became a Billionaire by repeating other Homo-sapiens Bull-S%#t! Call him dumb if you wanna, but Hawk thinks he is a Genius in an idiot’s clothing! {A Hoodie} He also wised up and Married his childhood Sweetheart. Hawkeye learned this from Surfing face-book! Over.

Time really flies when you are having fun. Hawkeye did not learn this by surfing Face-book. He learned this by being married to Sweet Leanor for the past eight years! Hawkeye will have one of the best birth-days of his otherwise useless life on July 31st, 2012. He will be “69!” Remember that date fans. It might bring you luck. It seems to have passed Hawkeye by with the lucky part! There is still time though! Hawkeye has been on the obese side of life for the better part of his life. Every now and again, he thinks about doing something about it. Reading an article in one of the popular magazines in his favorite room, which is also the smallest room in his dwelling, about this Homo-sapien who was actually 750 lbs.! Then Hawkeye saw this actual person on TV being transported from the Hospital to his home by six paramedics! The ambulance was equipped with an electric winch, and a ramp to load and off-load this enormous hunk of blubber! He said: “I Likes ta Eat!” The up-side of this story is that he has managed to lose 100 LBS The down-side of this story is that he has about six hundred lbs to go! He cannot walk, go to the bathroom, sit up, or do anything else that a normal Homo can do. His wife of about 400LBS. said: “Ah Lubes Heem anyhow!” So: the moral of this story is that it scared Hawkeye in to eating 3 “Big Super Burgers” from da local “White Castle!”

On a serious note fans, Hawkeye is convinced that there is only one way to lose weight: “Will-Power! Never mind having part of your stomach surgically removed, or being castrated, or Lipo-suction, or medically induced Flatuance, It will not work! The simple way is to watch a Homo dying from a heart attack induced by being overweight, or to see a sniveling chile of 8 year young that is well on his way to weighing in at 450 lbs.! Watch his athletic career along with his Ballet classes hit the sewer of life! He will spend most of his adult life trying to “Stay Alive!”

Hawkeye reads where homo-sapiens want to sue the fast food chains for being the root cause of their Obesity.. This is Bull-s*#t Plain and simple. Obesity causes many medically related complications. Hawkeye has many of them today. Diabetes, bad feet, impotence, and lackluster attitudes when it comes to Homo-sapiens who are un-willing to help themselves stay alive. One of Hawkeyes Brothers died as a double amputee at the ripe old age of 67. He had been on dialysis for the past three years, three times a week. He passed away leaving his wife strapped with a s&%t load of medical bills that she will spend the rest of her natural life paying for, and she is today the ripe old age of 75! The bottom line here is: “If you do not give a F@$k about yourself, try thinking of your loved ones!” give them a chance to live out the rest of their lives in peace and harmony. If the relatives happen to be hopelessly obese, try to set an example for them by teaching them how you managed to lose 97 LBS: Back away from the table, and cut out the Sugar filled Sodas, beer, and Junk foods!

When Hawkeye gained the bulk of his weight, He flat did not care what happened to him! Not so today. He met and married his Sweet Leanor who has served as Hawkeyes other wing for the past eight years! “Malo to Sweet Leanor!”

Until Next week:

Hawkeye & Sweet Leanor.