Hawkeye: Saving the Whales and da Wheels

Hawkeye was reading a piece in one of his periodicals the other day mentioning a pod of Whales that ran aground in the everglades way down younder in the Great Mosquito infested State of Florida. There were upwards of fifty two whales spotted in shallow water and unable to get their bearings. One old Redneck said that it wuz caused by that there ole global warmin!  There was much controversy as to how they would get the whales headed back for deep water when the tide came in.
One of the smarter Rednecks suggested that they could use all the Great Monty Pythons that they had captured to scare em out! Hawkeye has not heard the outcome of this endeavor, and is waiting with baited breath! Over.
Hawkeye has finished his read for the week: “Sweatshops in Paradise,” By the now infamous author; Ms.Virginia Sudbury. This book sort of left Hawkeye Hanging after the middle as it was becoming clear that poor old “Kil Soo Wee” would be the scapegoat for the many actual Incorporating Officers, and shareholders of the company, Dawoosa Samoa. While the book does mention the ASG on several occasions, and further the mention of certain people whose names Hawkeye will not mention, it was- in Hawks opinion -“Incomplete.”
Hawkeye thinks it is well worth the read for a hard cover price of $19.00 USD. Hawkeye has now moved over to his new book by Jessie Ventura; “63 things that your government does not wish you to know.” This is proving to be a typical page turner by Jessie, and Hawkeye will tell you later on if he would recommend adding it to your “Outhouse Collection.”
The Merry Old Christmas Season is nearing once again, and further testimony to the fact that we still celebrate the birth date of some character that kicked the bucket some 2,200 odd years ago. Never mind how he came about his demise, he could have escaped all that pain, grief and final deathly moments with Ms. Magdalene instead of hanging upside down on a part of an olive tree! He came into the temple and acted rude to the money changers and local tax collectors. He went ahead and knocked over the Tax Man’s table, which got the attention of the high priests, who got the attention of King what’s his name. This could have been easily avoided by holding his temper in check, hopping back on his donkey and “Cuttin fo da Hut” as they say in some of the Redneck States. But he didn’t, and therefore gave us another Holiday!
It seems as though some of the world’s most diehard scientists wish to dispute the global warming theory. It makes no difference how we vote on the Global Warming theory the main thing is that we learn to survive it. While there are photos of the Ice Caps melting at alarming rates which is bound to have a spinoff effect, we should not stop drilling for oil! It is now becoming a matter of global survival and the winner of that title will be expected to jump out there in front and support the rest of the world.
One fanatic wrote in one of the strange magazines that only those who Support the Jesus Theory will survive the global warming / climate change. Is the author of this article actually suggesting that Jesus has a bearing on the Global warming theory? Should this be the case, we should encourage more church membership! Instead, the Organized Religions are losing membership at alarming rates!
We really need to monitor this subject folks, and see where the pointer points! Speaking of Global Warming and Jesus, Hawkeye must admit that he is writing this column through the inspiration of one of his favorite entertainers; “Bob Dylan.”
Bob has a lot to say in his songs if one can listen long enuff. In his earlier days as a a young entertainer, his main goal in life was to become a bum. This is when he was roaming the rolling hills of Southeastern Oklahoma with Merle Haggard and Buck Owens. There was a lot of Pot Smoking happening in those days amongst most performers of the era
Hawkeye supposes that we all still need mentors no matter how old we get. For instance Our Presetene has The Reverned Jeremiah Wright and Oprah, as well as Mr. Ayers. Hawkeye still has his original mentors: Mickey Mouse, Tom Mix, Billy Graham’s Cat, and Alfred E. Newman!
And speaking of conservation, we must preserve our wheels while we have wheels. No matter if the wheels are on a 13th Century Chariot or a 2014 Jeep Wrangler. We must all learn to preserve, in order to persevere! While we are at it, we must learn to take more seriously the latest methods of preserving our culture. This is some serious s*#t Fans. We all gotta come together as one big blob and pony up for each other and for the way we live. In doing so, we will certainly persevere! Sweet Leanor is working day by day with Hawkeye to achieve perseverance. Perseverance should be the order of the day for all Homo-sapiens of the Planet Utopia, and points beyond!
Until Next week;
Love from Sweet Leanor and the Hawk
The views expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of Samoa News.


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