Hawkeye: The Road to Tucumcari
"History is merely a list of surprises ... It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again." (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)
Here we are again fans and folks of Hawkeye.
We have survived yet another fantastic holiday in Hooterville, which has apparently left us all full of Turkey, and Bliss.
Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor are enjoying their semi retirement, of course until they run out of Tupe (money) and consequently, food. Hawkeye was watching some Homo-sapien on the History channel the other day who said that we as Homos, and or Neanderthals should by all means learn to conserve, and stock up on canned foods. He said that there is proof from the extra terrestrials in their ancient writings of the year 2ooo, that there is going to be some hard times. As if Hawkeye wasn't panicked enough from this guys teaching, he went on to say that there has been more proof discovered down in Mehico that supports the 2012 theory that the end of days will occur at the end of the Mayan Calendar which stops recording on December 21ts, 2012. This is when the celestial Home Boys will get out there with their celestial slaves and line up the planets for the big event. So, having watched this person first hand in his distribution of bad tidings, Hawkeye asked Leanor what she thought of it: "ain't no use to sweat it none as there ain't nuthin we is a gonna do about it anyway." We just need to be ready to roll the cameras, just in case there is anyone left on earth to show it on TV!
That Guy Cam-bell, the old Reverend, has moved his predicted date closer to 2012, as he has missed the mark over the last dozen or so previous predictions. This Idiot has the divine power of persuasion as he has all of his idiot followers giving their last dollars, and the clothing off their backs to charities as they figure that they have no further need for worldly goods such as Tupe, (money) and clothes. (Hawkeye would not have a problem accepting a Ferrari, or a Lamberdini, should itsowner figure there was no longer a need for the vehicles. What Hawkeye is having a problem with is what makes these donors of worldly goods think that any charitable organizations are likely to survive the second coming of the Holocaust? Hummm...
Food for thought at best fans we do suppose?
Hawkeye hopes that we get all of our roads back in "Good Nick" before all of this takes place. Hawkeye would hate for the members of the alien invading force to catch us with our "Lava Lava's" down around our ankles! What has been bugging Hawkeye about this is who is going to sell the tickets?
Hawkeye has been eating too much of late. Sweet Leanor asked Hawk why his appetite has tripled. Hawkeye told her that he wasn't about to let all of that saved up food go to waste prior to that wild Rocket Ride in to the Universe! Over.
Speaking of Rocket Rides, Hawkeye has noticed that things seem to be rather quiet on the campaign trails these days. Is it not the time of the campaign season to get all of the would-be candidates out there on the front lines where they can prepare for battle? Hawkeye already knows who he is rootin FO, but he ain't gonna spill the beans until that fateful day: Election Day!
All Hawk has to say, is keep a lid on it, and don't get nasty!
Hawkeye hopes for many many barbeques with good old fashioned Hot Dogs served complete with the soft heated buns. Hot Dogs put everyone in a Carnival mood fans, and it tends to cause Homos to put on their thinking caps. By doing so will remind them that they are there to listen to what our would-be Kovana has to say, and not at a proverbial "Hot Dawg Eating Contest!" There was a certain Fast Food Eatery that served these very Hot Dogs that Hawkeye has just described. One quiet evening while Hawk and Leanor were out soaring, Hawk told Leanor: "ah wants me one or a dozen of them thair Hot Dogs from that fast food eatery. Hawkeye squeaked in to the Drive through, and got up to the window. "May I Help you Sir?" You sho can Miss. Ah wants me about a dozen of them thair Hot Dawgs that ah likes so mooch! As fate would have it, the nice lady answered: Sorry Sir, we don't serve Hot Dawgs No Mo! Luckily that Sweet Leanor makes a mean Hot Dawg!
Folks, all joking aside, please remember that we are in our Annual Hurricane Season. It is in fact wise to stock up for such disasters as a Tropical Cyclone in the unlikely event that we could encounter such right here in Wonderland. Being proactive never hurts, and do it now to avoid creating a last minute rush.
Whatever we do, remember to keep the roosters corralled, and the Sheep in the Fale.
Love to all until next week,
From: Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor.
[DISCLAIMER: This commentary or column does not necessarily reflect the views of Samoa News.]