HAWKEYE: Happy New Year!

“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.” (Alice Mackenzie Swaim, Poet) 

Hawkeye is so sad to report that “Old Santy” brought Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor both “Da Plue!” Could have been brought on by that 6.08 Magnum Earthquake that was centered somewhere in the middle of the old Soviet Union. (This, meaning that the quake could have been anywhere in Russia, and it would have still been in the Old Soviet Union.

Speaking of the old Soviet Union Fans, it looks as though Vladimir Putin is getting a run for his money this time around. He is experiencing opposition which is something he is not accustomed to. Before when the elections were held in Democratic Russia, it was at least 99% Vladimir, and the other 1 % were either hanged, or turned over to his majesty, “Valad da Impaler!” Valad was one mean S.O.B. and would have made Vladimir look like a noble “Boy Scout!”

Valad da Impaler normally got what he wanted one way or another.

It is certain that Valad did not practice his “Impaling” during a 6.08 Mag. Earthquake. Perhaps this could be challenged somewhere in the history books, but Hawkeye doubts it. Humm...

But what does a Democratic Soviet Union have to do with us all having a happy and prosperous New Year? Hawkeye not know.. Over.

Speaking of a Happy New Year, it looks like the new King of da Hill in Amedikan will be faced with something worse than old Valad Da Impaler. He will be faced with the challenge of deciding what to do with a “Self Proclaimed” Nuclear Armed Islamic Nation—Iran. Hawkeye will spare the readers another epistle pertaining to his vast experiences in that confused Nation, and get right to the point:

We need a new leader with the Balls, and Brains to keep America out of Harm’s way. We need to get our Troops home, and keep them home until America backs up and regroups its armed forces. We need to look at increasing, not reducing Defense Budgetary Spending. Not only will this scenario ensure that America is strong enough to take on all comers, and at the same time protect our borders and create jobs for our working class citizens including most of our military who are returning home Jobless due to their voluntary service to a nation in need! By getting the War Machine back in the Private Sector, Industrial section will fill the now bottomless pit of unemployment in the private sector. This is what made and kept America Great during the Great World Wars, and conflicts. We can still allow history to repeat itself folks. This will all fit in to our American Citizenry having a “Happy New Year!” What better way to celebrate the New Year than to bring home a paycheck big enough to feed and clothe the entire family? Okay, enough of the joking around fans; let’s get to the serious stuff like those who have made their Gubernatorial Campaigns known to the public. So far as Hawkeye is aware, there are three serious candidates. Hawkeye reckons that we could get through the campaigns without any serious “Mud Slinging” simply because we have educated Homo-sapiens running this time around. These candidates are not only educated, but are honest, upright and Kleen! These are the people to get behind and push until they are over that Political Finish Line! Beware of those who promise 100% Health Care Subsidies because this only happens when the Easter Bunny Comes and puts a dime under the pillows of kids who have no teeth! This is commonly referred to as: “The Tooth Fairy Syndrome!” Either or all of the aforementioned has never had 100% Subsidies in either health care, Falemai Care, (Sick House) Common ailments like, Ricketts, Shingles, V.D., Flu, Common Colds, or Homes for unwed mothers! Let’s face it folks, those who are on the roadsides selling these commodities are not breaking the “Roadside Begging” Laws, But most of these Homos are soliciting Tupe, (Money) for a worthwhile cause.

But all campaigning aside, Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor couldn't care less what happens as they are stuck with each other throughout the coming year, and this is just great by Hawkeye! This will be the 17th New Years Eve that Hawkeye has spent W.O.A. (Without Alcohol) and he is happy to disclose this invaluable information to all of those Homos who wish to remain on this earth for awhile longer! Hawkeye offers this: If you must drink, do so in moderation. Can the Tobacco and the Drugs and thereby give your liver, lungs, and Kidneys a break! In doing so, you will also be giving the I.C.U. at the Falemai, (Sick House) a break. Hawkeye speaks again from experience. Hawkeye will never be guilty of preaching to another Homo-sapien as to how to live, but he does not mind sharing his most un-pleasant experiences with those who are interested.

Fans; do keep your piggies in their own Sai-puaa’s, and keep the sheep locked away from loose Pedophiles!

Love until next week,

Hawkeye and Sweet Leanor

[DISCLAIMER: This commentary or column does not necessarily reflect the views of Samoa News.]


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